Bhagwaan ki bundupanti

Bhagwaan ki bundupanti

This is another series of stories courtesy  my good friend the Bundu Bhagwaan. I would describe bundu bhagwaan as a smart and conspicuously tall guy but after a closer look you will find him hilarious short(bauna).Every body knows that history is full of instances where bhagwaan pulled off miracles and extra ordinary deeds. Here are a few Miracles from our very own Lord Bundu.

Leela 1:

This one is of our earlier times in gurgaon . Bhagwaan was usually the last to leave for office. One day when somebody returned home early ,he found the front gate unlocked. Every one in the flat was infuriated that how reckless this was . I resolved to remind bhagwaan ‘Talla Laga k Jaana’ everyday. Guess what I was wrong, just after a couple of days one of our flat mate comes to home early and finds that there is lock on the door but the lock is not on the “kundi”. The door was open and bhagwaan had locked an open door.I consider it my fault since i never specified that “Taala Kundi pe lagana” 😛

#jaybundubhagwaan

Leela 2:

One fine day thieves actually broke into our house and it was up to me to call the police and get the complaint registered. Bundu bhagwaan had got some stuff( If you know what I mean) from one of his friends.When the police came to our home for their so called investigation, instead of hiding the stuff, he was fucking rolling it. Luckily I entered the home first  and saw what the hell was Bhagwaan  doing and somehow diverted the police towards the broken lock on the ‘Kundi’ out side the house.

Luckily when I came back bhagwaan was done with the rolling and we were all saved from a happy trip to jail

#jaybundubhagwaan

Leela 3:

Many of you who are residents of North India would know about the “Kawad Yatra”(The orange guys on the road). It was the time of the Kawad Yatra and it means that the road transport is basically blocked and the bus transport system is seriously affected. Bhagwaan decided to visit Devi (Bhagwaans better half) who stayed in  Roorkee at that time

I came home late that night around 10ish in the evening and  while watching TV I received a call from Bhagwaan asking me to order dinner for him . He said that he will be home in an hour and nothing more. I ordered dinner for all, he came back home and had dinner and I couldn’t wait any more, so I finally asked him where was he coming from?. Now the Conversation

Me: “kahaan se a raha hai?”

Bhagwaan:” Devi se milne jaana tha bus nahi mili”

Me: “Kaunse bus stand gaya tha”

Bhagwaan: “Kashmere gate bus stand”

Me: Vahaan se the Roorkee bus nahi milti vo anand vihaar se milti hai”

Bhagwaan (Poker face): “Kuch bhi kuch bhi”

Me:”Kashemere gate  se a raha hai?”

Bhagwaan: “Nahi main New delhi railway station se a raha hoon”

Me:” Vahaan kyun gaya tha”

Bhagwaan:”Vo Kashmere gate se 3 station door hai”

Me:”Saala ‘Jumhri taliya’ 4 station hota to kya farak padta;  logic kya de raha hai”

Bhagwaan(Smug face):”Train dekhne gaya tha”

Me:” Aise hi chala gaya ki pata tha koi train thi”

Bhagwaan(reluctantly): “Pata thi aur reservation bhi karaya tha”

Me (wondering, if he had a reservation why did he go the bus stand in the first place)

Me:” Toh late pahaucha?”

Bhagwaan:”Nahi 10 baje pahauch gaya tha aur train 10:30 ki thi”

Me(waiting in false hope that a logical explanation will come after some time)

Me(after losing hope of a logical explanation):” Toh kyun nahi pakdi”

Bhagwaan(slightly embarrassed):” Yaar train Nizammudin station se thi main NDLS khada tha”

I was staring in disbelief ,what the hell just happened to me. My expressions would have been of increasing bewilderment and plausible deniability with each line of this incredible conversation.

I sat there and called every friend of mine  to tell the story

Best time

Tune in for many more Bundupantiyan

Trip to Bhangarh Fort

Trip to Bhangarh Fort

This is one of those trips that I will remember for a very long time.

It was a kind of reunion of our group, since many of my friends were visiting NCR. We had invited our Matke friends (gay kumar,jat artist ,lays king and chutiya coder) from Roorkee.  Ambani, the other Ambani (Another friend of mine who has excellent business acumen),bakar,Bopal and Tappa also came to gurgaon .The overall head count that day at our humble abode was 12 including me,chutiya chaudhary and Mikesh bhaiya. We had  5 cars and one bike at our place that day. It was a good day 🙂

It was decided that we are going to bhangarh fort in the middle of the night to see what’s all  the fuss about. It was as usual an idea created and manifested by  chutiya chaudhary . Just to give you all some perspective, Bhagarh fort Is declared haunted by the Indian archaeological department and it is illegal to enter Bhangarh fort after 6 pm. For more information refer to the link : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhangarh_Fort

Since we had 5 cars at our home that particular day we had to choose which ones to take. Tappa had brought his eco sports ,ambani had brought his Vento so naturally these two cars were the obvious choices for the trip. The third car that we decided to take was Mikesh Bhaiya’s Accent. The accent was old, not serviced and didn’t have any Stepney. It was decided that we won’t risk going to a strange place without a spare stepney. So we measured the diameter of the tyre using our hands and matched it to the spare stepney of the other two cars. We somehow settled for a  match and took that stepney (so much for being pseudo mechanical engineers). After gambling with our lives over a stepney  we headed for bhangarh.

Now the finalized sitting arrangement in the cars was such that Chutiya chaudhary, Bopal, Mikesh Bhiya and me were travelling in the accent. The worst possible combination of chutiyas in the car that was in the worst condition. The highway to the check post that leads to bhangarh was in very good condition and it took us just 4-5 hours to reach the spot . The cut that leads to bhangarh on the gurgaon Jaipur had a police check post . None of the cars we were travelling in had a valid pollution certificate. The police after fining (bribed them) us tried to startle and scare us that it is not advisable to go this way during the night and refused to let us pass that post. Rest of my friends were  slightly perplexed and were of the view that we should go straight to Jaipur and skip this mad idea of bhangarh fort. Since we also didn’t have any other alternative, we also budged and started heading in Jaipur’s direction.

But we four in the accent were dejected that we missed a lifetime opportunity. One of us still had bhangarh fort marked as the destination in our google map app and bless the maps we found an alternative way. Quoting  Mr. Robert Frost it was like  “The Road not  taken” kind of a road literally. We called everyone and Tappa and Ambani were ready like always and reluctantly everyone else followed.

Now the fun begins, its middle of the night, we are reading an article about all the creepy history of bhangarh fort,  the road is just wide enough for one car,there is no way to turnaround and our car lamps were the only light on the road. Our car was the leading the cavalry and  we couldn’t help but wonder that this can be perfect place for looters .We still persisted on and after some time out of nowhere in the middle of the road I saw an excited porcupine. I had never seen a porcupine and at the center of the road from nowhere came an excited one with all its fangs like pointy things excited. Mikesh bhaiya was driving and then there was a literal hard stop. All of us had increased pulse rate and  sweaty hands. 

We stopped to catch our breaths and with increased adrenalin and excitement moved ahead. It was not long before the mobile signal also left us, it was just the GPS now. After moving some more we suddenly came across a big city door like structure( it looked like a small abandoned India gate). The weird part was that there was this  city gate but with no city behind it (real spooky na). We had some more increase in pulse and some more sweating and some general expression of astonishment and fear and panic but rest was good.

We reached Bahngarh fort after some time and as expected the gate was closed, we tried to wake the guard, bribe him but they didn’t budge (strange na, we offered them 1000 bucks to let us in). Dejected we tried some other way to get in. The fort has 12 feets high boundary walls  but luckily or unluckily there was a small step between the two walls (6 feets each), not more than 3 inches wide to place the foot. We some how climbed by pushing and pulling each other, I have to admit we might have scratched our hands from a couple of places. Lays king was adamant that we were walking into something stupid and after repeated incitement on how phattu he was and why he was not climbing after getting so far. His response was simple and clear “haan manin hoon phuddu and hoon chutiya jo raat ko 2 baje random fort ki deewar chadh raha hoon jahaan jaana illegal hai”. I think he had a point there but nevertheless it didn’t stop us.

Tappa, the other ambani, gay kumar, lays king and the jat artist were not interested to climb up the wall and decided to leave for Jaipur . The rest of us some how climbed up the fort wall. To our amazement the boundary wall was at least 5 feet wide. We decided to take a tour around the wall and saw many posts like structure around the boundary wall that seemed to be intended as battle station post for archers and guards. They all had a small temple in them and it seemed that there we no shrines in those temples, there were traces of pooja done there ,some agarbatti’s were lying there but no shrines in those temples. We later read that there were no shrines in the Bhangarh, when ever they tried to put one, it never stayed and miraculously always fell down or was stolen.

Walking on top of the boundary wall we flashed our phone light in the area surrounding the wall, it was all jungle and for one second I saw some reflection back, then again and then again. It was again the sweaty hands and increased heartbeat but I think they were some wild animals. Then we started to listen howling voices from no where and after some panic and some weird feeling in the stomach we realized that it was just the guards trying to scare us off(very silly of them). Once we realized that it was all OK ,we decided to  walk beyond the other side of the wall (Game of thrones style). We found some stairs and walked down, Me mikesh bhaiya, chutiya chaudhary,chutiya coder,ambani and bopal were again in the toli and I think we might have walked around 200 meters from the wall when I think I heard something moving AND after some time something again. The expression was GAAAAAANNDDDD Phat gayi and BHAGOO. It was some more sweating and more increased heart beat definite panic.

We decided to head back to jaipur immediately and this time Chutiya chaudhary and I were in a different car than Mikesh bhaiya and bopal to balance the chutiyapa. There was limited signal connectivity at bhangarh fort and the route to jaipur planned on my phone. After traveling for 10 minutes we lost the telephone signal and it was all up to the GPS.

Now I don’t know the exact algorithm how this google maps work(only google and bhagwaan knows) but it took us from a boulevard kind of a road to byroad kind of a road and then to something that no longer be called a road. We were stuck on the road and the road ahead was too narrow for the car. Ambani and Mikesh bhaiya had to drive the car in the back gear for about  2km to reach the point where we could go to a broader road to get on the highway.Damn Ambani is a good driver

Rest of the journey to jaipur was slow due to heavy fog. We reached Jaipur in the morning slept there for some time and visited some random fort at jaipur which was quite boring. We decided to head back to gurgaon at  2 PM with a clear sky. Around 6 PM in the evening we were 50 odd kilometers from gurgaon. It was sometime then we started encountering fog.

Within 15-20 minutes the fog was so dense that the visibility was not more than 10 meter. With zero visibility the traffic was stand still at the 6 lane NH-8 .We were at the forefront of the traffic  with an empty road ahead but no way to drive.The fog was so dense  that a guy was walking ahead on the road and the rest of the traffic was following him since nobody wanted to take the risk to lead. After covering the distance at a snails speed for 30 minutes a rajasthan roadways bus came out of no where. Damn that driver knew the roads well, we covered the next 10 km quickly but lost the bus after some time and came again back at snail’s pace. It took us another 3 hours to cover the remaining 20-25 km which was quite frustrating since all of us were very tired. I remember that the visibility was so bad that we had to use google maps to find the cut off the highway.

We somehow reached home around midnight, it took us roughly 4 hours to travel to last 40 km. Every one was exhausted and all 12 of us somehow managed to sleep in our modest 3 BHK apartment.

It was a fun trip that I will remember for a long time thanks to chutiya chaudhary

Birthday chronicle

Birthday chronicle

It was the eve of my 22nd birthday  and to our delight it was a weekend also. That  week earlier it was Bopals birthday and on his birthday we had another small chronicle. We celebrated Bopals birthday in gurgaon and the next morning Bopal and Chutiya chaudhary announced that we are going to roorkee to drop someone (that some one is classified). So they woke, picked me up, literally picked me up and deposited me in the back seat of the car. Before I could protest we were on our way to Roorkee, Chaudhary was pretty impressed and was giving me a smug look which said “dude I fucked your day and you can not do anything about it”, All in all it was the truth. So I accepted my plight and  resolved to my self that I will go to gym from tomorrow so that I can even attempt to protest.

We reached Roorkee,  journey was all good, we dropped the classified someone to their hostels and set out to meet our MATKE friends. We entered our wing and started the GAY, GAY,GAY anthem at the top of our voice (That is what we call gay kumar). Gay kumar came out of his room in disbelief that how vella were we guys to come to roorkee. We went to the canteen with the rest of the Matka group, the jat artist, the lays king and the chutiya coder. We ate like the good old days at our old canteen and headed back to our place while watching Dark knight rises in the car on our way back(Damn that movie is awesome)

So coming back to my birthday. Chutiya Chaudhary decided that we will go to Ambani’s(Another friend of mine) place in Delhi and celebrate my and his birthday together. Amabani’s Birthday is just a day before mine, So Bhagwaan( the most entertaining member of our group), Tappa and Chutiya Chaudhary picked me up from my office and we reached ambani’s place around 10 ishh. We called Bopal to come over. Our friend Lays king was also in delhi visiting his parents  so we also invited him over.

There were three cakes there that night, one that Ambani had ordered for me one that was the left over from Ambanis birthday and the other that chutiya chaudhary  had ordered. So I had a cake smothered at my face and one at the back of the face and some beer was poured over me. I was asked to cut the cake link a blind man . I some how cleaned  borrowed a t shirt from BAKAR(Ambani’s then room mate) which I still need to return

It was somehow decided that we should go on a trip some where and since it was Navratre some body recommended Vaishno Devi, to this Bhagwaan replied ” its not wise to go to Vaishni devi now since Mata is visiting our homes (Due to navratra’s) and if we visit Mata at her home we might miss her in transit”. Yeah you read it correct, we laughed at this for about 5 minutes and chutiyua chaudhary was adamant that we visit Jim Corbett park but the proposal was unanimously rejected. It was decided that we will go to Ambani’s place  in panipat and from there decide our way forward. We  dropped lays king and the rest seven Bhagwaan, Amabani, Bopal, Bakar,Tappa, chutiya chaudhary and me set out to Ambanis place after our manadatory stop at Murthal for the makhan and aaloo k parathas. It was early morning when we woke up in Ambani’s parking

We mistook the parking lot for a malls parking since there were that many cars there. After being awed by Ambanis estate we decided we need to sleep sometime before heading out. We had a nice fulfilling breakfast at Ambani’s . We borrowed fortuner from the mall parking and set out.

This trip was so random and we were so unprepared that we had to stop at a store on our way to buy the utilities . We bought clothes for the journey and more importantly some Punjabi Song CDs. We set out to Kasuali for no apparent reason, I think some one might have blurted out the name. With the help of ‘Yo Yo Honey singh and Sartaaj’ and not so accurate google maps we reached Kasauli.

It had  the best weather and we were frozen since we only bought shorts. Yeah we were at a hill station in our shorts, We clicked some random photos which by the way were quite amazing and couldn’t decide what to do next. So we sat; cracked many jokes and had some ridiculously expensive and tasteless Maggi and agreed that we were bored here. Then bhagwaan made a recommendation that we should to go to Nangal. We all agreed and next thing you know we were at Nangal with bhagwaan giving all random shit about his creation the “Earth”. You wont believe he was quoting the flow rate of rivers around the world the dam heights. Its all divine you know.

We reached nangal, had dinner there, we also came to know that there is a Devi ka Mandir just 20km from nangal and decided the we should go and pay a visit to the peer group ( a term we use to associate gods) of our friend bhagwaan :). We set out to explore the city of nangal and when we were atop a small dam we saw the weirdest of thing.

There was a car parked on the side railing of the dam and it seemed a groom was sitting in the car along with some of his friends or relatives and there was another group of Haate Gatte gym k poot like people who started beating their asses out. Every passerby was either getting beaten or was beating. That was the weirdest of sight one might ever see. We laughed for a while and  decided we better get back or chutiya chaudhary will get a way to get us beaten.

After all that we woke up next morning had a good time visiting Bhagwan’s peer group (Devi Mata) . After being blessed we set out to see Bhakra Nangal Dam. I was awed by the volume of the water that dam was holding (really it was upto the horizon) and when I said that I think this dam is a holding a large amount of water bhagwan replied and I quote:”BC tune kya socha Magga bhar paani hoga”. We laughed at this for at east 5-10 minutes; saw the dam and headed back to panipat.

The return Jouney to panipat was quick Ambani drove like a true punjabi driver without his shoes at 150 kmph with punjabi songs. Man that guy can drive like hell. He drove the whole way since he didn’t trust us lot and rightly so.

We reached at Ambanis and took the Safari from the parking lot and set out to gurgaon. The journey back was eventful since chutiya chaudhary was driving at a ridiculous speed and steering more recklessly. I was at the back seat of the Safari and I had Hanuman Chalisa on. The ride was really frightening and we really somehow came back.

It was a birthday that I think I will remember and stay tuned for more stories

Another Chronicle with Chu**ya Chaudhary

Another Chronicle with Chu**ya Chaudhary

Here is another chronicle with Chutiya Chaudhary. This one poised during our final year at college.

As many of you might know and some might get to know that it is the most vella time of your life with no academic pressure and  a lot of time. That’s the time when you do the most unproductive random things in your life that you will remember for your lifetime. This is one such incident.

We all had developed a knack of playing poker all night. This was one such day but the poker didn’t go for long as everybody was bored, Chutiya Chaudhary had a plan that we should go to the institute swimming pool at 2 in the night and have a nice dip. We had an olympic size pool which was located just 200 m from the directors residence and mind you with guards patrolling all night  long.

So it was me chutiya Chaudhary ,my other friends tappa and Sher.Chutiya Chaudhary   claimed to have  done it some time back and was pretty confident that if we kept quite, it will be all good. So we trespassed and climbed into the swimming pool. There we stripped to our boxers entered the pool and had a relaxing time for 40-45 minutes. I was pretty impressed with chutiya chaudhary for devising scheme

Now chutiya chaudhary had to do some chutiyapa. He decided to dive in the pool from the diving board and was confident that he can manage minimal sound and it was worth the risk. So he did jump and made few splashes and sound. Seeing him my friend SHER got excited and decided that he would also like to dive.

Now imagine that the pool is a rectangle and the diving boards are on the shorter side of the rectangle and we are standing parallel to the longer side. SHER started to run from there towards the longer side of the swimming pool and I was like SHER.. SHERRRRRR………SHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR and he jumped into the pool and it made the loudest splashing noise possible. I was dumbstruck, bewildered with what the hell just happened.

5-10 seconds later I heard a guard nearby who must have heard the splashing noise and starting whistling and shouting “kaun hai” “kaun hai”. We were terrified ,soaking wet just in our boxers and had literally no place to go. We hid behind a wall and started thinking of what  excuse we might give to get out from this situation where we are found standing in the pool at 2 AM in the night. Please comment out any good excuse you can think .Might help someone in a similar situation 🙂

After shivering for 2 minutes behind a wall that covered the viewing angle we realized that the guards also had no access inside the pool since we also had climbed the wall. We decided to wait it out. We stood their for 10 minutes and the guard also lost interest. We put our clothes back on  and climbed the wall again. We decided to split Sher and Chutiya Chaudhary took one exit wall and me and tappa decided to take another.

Now tappa is the most feared guy in our group because of his straight forward questions, will write about that in future.So tappa is also the kung fu panda of our group. All round and fluffy. Since I and Tappa decided to take the other gate. I asked Tappa to climb down first so that i can assist him. Tappa some how climbed the wall and got stuck in the barbed fence of the gate.He was on my side of the wall and was dangerously close to falling onto me.

This is 100% true, he did fell with after defying all laws of physics on the other side, it still haunts me how the hell it happened. He fell on the other side with a bang and cry that would have woken our director leave the guards. I climbed onto the wall as fast as possible and chutiya chaudhary and SHER came rushing to see what happened. Tappa somehow got up and we ran our asses out, some guards might have seem our faces but we some how managed to get back. Panting we decided we will do the same tomorrow

This was another such incident with chutiya chaudhary. I have many more interesting stories with many new characters.

So stay tuned

The First Chronicle

The First Chronicle

This is my first stab at righting blogs. Forgive me for the bad English but  enjoy the story. Everything in this blog is true and based on real events. Hope you enjoy this

Staying in gurgaon was like an extension to hostel life but with more money to spare and cars at our disposal. This is the story about one such long weekend.

We were six friends staying together in our rented flat along with two of our college mates who resided  in gurgaon with their families and floating population of 5-6 people coming to our place weekly. We had a good friend circle and were extremely accommodating and fine with whomsoever visited us and stayed along at our place.

This was a different sort of weekend where I was alone with chutiya chaudhary and our other flatmates were visiting their parents for Holi. We decided to spend the weekend doing something new and asked both our local friends to come over. One of them was with his parents planning to watch “Queen” . Realizing our plight he invited us to watch the movie with him and his family and we also invited our other friend ,lets call him the Bopal .We watched the movie and headed back to our place where to our amazement we found one of flatmate drunk with a wrecked car and a story to tell.

Lets call him Mikesh bhaiya. Mikesh bhaiya just discovered his one true love that single night. It was all entertaining and we had a good laugh which stalled our departure for a couple of hours. We had a good jab at the incident  but it eventually turned out she was the one. That’s another story to tell

We decided to leave for Bir which a place in Himachal because chutiya chaudhary had heard about it 2 hours earlier from one of his seniors. So me Bopal and Chutiya Chaudhary completed the chutiya pack and set out to Bir on unreliable google maps at 4AM in the morning.

Our first stop was at Murthal for the tasty parathas. I think this was the first blunder we committed, this was the pivotal point for the Bopal gas tragedy. We slept there in the car and woke up with the nose hair burning smell of first bomb by bopal. Leaving Bopal’s garam hawaei at Murthal we set out to panipat to meet our friend Ambani .

After having a royal treatment at Ambani’s factory  we set out on our way to Bir with  relentless reminders of Bopal gas tragedy. With the help of the not so accurate google maps we found ourselves in a random city with roads so bad and narrow that even Lalu prasad will feel belittled. Chutiya Chaudhary maintaining his track record wrecked another Alto car at a speed of 20 kmph. Chutiya Chaudhary has a talent of  getting involved in accident when he is driving only at 20 kmph. Our troubles of the Bopal gas tragedy had an addendum of an angry mob, literally there was a mob surrounding us and the man whose car we brushed was the least keen.We some how managed to get out of that mess with our wallets significantly lighter. After few wrong turns by the google maps and few more instance of the gas tragedy we decided to settle for the night at Palampur and set out for bir in the morning.

Next morning we woke again by the nose burning effect of the Bopal’s gas tragedy. Man he had an upset stomach. We set out to bir and everything was uneventful till we reached the place where the registration for para gliding happens. After our wallets being significantly reduced by the heroic driving of chutiya chaudhary the man who owned the service decided that he will trust us with making the transaction once we reach gurgaon since there we no ATMs around. He literally offered us the tickets free without any collateral. Never understood why. Though we made the transaction a week after.

The para gliding stint was  a fun experience and after that we decided to head back since Bopal parents were of the view  tha Bopal was at our place for the weekend and were expecting us to be at their place for Holi. We had to reach Gurgaon the same day and it meant all day driving. We were stuck in a festival at one of the places where Bopal got his side view mirror broken. Till then it was fine but then people randomly started opening the gates of the car and stated boarding it . We were tired so we gave those people a good banter, if you know what I mean.There could have been another scene with the mob, but we averted it somehow.

We somehow passed from there and got to NH1 where we realized we dont have the fucking keys of our house and Mikesh Bhaiya was the last to leave . Its hard to believe but we covered 200 km in 2 hours.  Went to noida to fetch the keys from Mikesh Bhaiya and reached home at 3 am in the morning after 47 hours and 1300 km ,Paragliding and the Bopal gas tragedy. We had to visit Bopals parents the next day for holi. We made to their place, had a good lunch and played some holi. Aunty inquired what we did for weekend. We lied: “nothing” and she felt sorry and decided to take us to a movie that evening. And the movie was “Queen”, since we had said nothing at all we had to play along and completed the weekend the way we stated it with the movie Queen which by the way is a good movie.

This was one such Chronicle with Chutiya Chuadhary. I have many more to follow

The Return of the Mummies

The Return of the Mummies

These are very interesting times in India and Indian politics. Didi and Amma both have another term in their respective states. Assam and Kerela have new governments in the form of BJP and LDF respectively and there is no price in guessing what is common between all these election results.

Congress party that has ruled(ruled rather than governed ) the country for more than half a century are now in an embarrassing situation, their situation is similar to that of the Lannister’s they have good comrades but their king

Tommen(Rahul baba) do not understand how to govern.

The Tamil Nadu people generally elect an anti-incumbent government. Not this time, was it because of the  2-G corruption label of the DMK or their inability to name a chief ministerial candidate but their association with congress did not help the party to defeat the corruption ridden AIADMK government. In West Bengal Mamata didn’t give anyone a chance so congress can be happy that they performed better than the general election but their performance compared to the last state election is still a disappointment. CPM led left actually won in Kerela where they again defeated the congress and in Assam it’s a historic win for the BJP.

Congress won the lowest seats in the 2014 Lok Sabha ever (just a meagre 44). Didn’t win a seat in the Delhi assembly elections, lost in Maharashtra, only won in Bihar with little or no influence on the government. This is after ruling the country for 10 years. They have their government just in 5 other states and they had a scare in Uttarakhand recently.These are pressing time for the oldest party in India, can they get away from the dynastic politics that is plaguing their party? It is clear that their so called price Rahul Gandhi has not done anything substantial for the party, he is all talk about revamping the party structure and doing something different, he acts like that guy in your project meeting who says that we have to do something cool and out of the box but has no knowledge about the subject.

He is single handedly responsible for collapsing the morale of the party’s leaders and workers who have devoted all their life for congress. He is like ANTI-Dhoni, he has the ability to bring the worst with his team and give terrible results. It is high time for the party to do what is right, someone has to be Jamie Lannister for congress and stab this stupid prince(reference to mad king).

 

Rahul Gandhi has become a national joke and with a great corruption record for UPA government he has done a terrible job at saving the parties grace and countering the opposition. When he is talks sometimes he seems out of place and sometimes ridiculously stupid. The media even doesn’t seem to take him seriously either, which should be a grave concern for the party.

The immense influence of the Gandhi family on the congress party raises certain question, are they so respected in the party that no one believes that the party can be led by any other, does the family draws so much power(influence over judiciary and other government organizations) that everyone is afraid to challenge them or they have so much money so that they can buy their way out of any coup in the party, the first one seems the least likely and with the news of stir in the party it is clear that it is not just because of respect. The other 2 options are really interesting and even with the opposition in power, they command so much influence. This is something to think about and ponder over.

Nowadays congress is not even recognized as a credible opposition, the current government faces more heat from the likes of Kejriwal than the congress party, the party has lost the ability and will to attack the opposition and their structure is failing, it is high time that congress does something.

The party might have it is faults ,it tends to be more populist in policy making rather than pragmatic and transparent, it is corruption ridden and their politics work on maintaining the divide in the country, but still it is the only secular alternative in the country. For this very reason they cannot be decimated . The return of the mummies indicates high time for this old party to think and reinvent itself and participate in constructive dialogue in the democracy and present themselves as credible nemesis and alternative to right government led by the BJP. If this doesn’t happen the right wing will become bolder and bolder in their social professing and start enforcing their thoughts. Which in itself creates a scary picture for the country. Don’t get me wrong I want the right government to be in power and work on their economic policy. A strong opposition will make sure that they concentrate more on economy and development and suppress their extreme wing thought.

Congress party needs an uprising, they need someone to challenge the status quo, they need a Narendra Modi to change the party and modernize its working and start connecting to the people of the country again. It is certain that Rahul Gandhi is not the Azar Ahai that was promised, they need to introspect and save the party, if not for the benefit of the nation but their own benefit.

The JNU Equation

The JNU Equation

Time and again India has proven that for our politics and our political agenda cares more about the past rather than the present or the future. We spend most of our political effort and consensus building on events that occurred in the past and which have no effect on any policy or any way improves the life of the people.

Conceding that these things are important but making it the only political agenda is outright ridiculous. The JNU debacle is one such example of utter nonsensical politics by all parties that call themselves secular first and patriots second.

Reading from the accounts on the internet it seems that one group from JNU(self proclaimed Marxist) wanted to organize a protest on the Judicial killing of Afzal Guru, a parliament attack convict. Officially the protest was a cultural event to protest the Supreme court ruling just after the third death anniversary of Afzal Guru. The group invited many Kashmiri’s from outside of campus to voice their protest against the supreme court ruling.The were protesting against the corruption in the judiciary which resulted in the eventual execution of Afzal Guru who they referred to as a martyr.

I am a proponent of free speech but I think you should always criticize people and organization and not national Institution like supreme court of India. If you start questioning Institution it means you have no confidence in the  fundamentals of the country which for me classifies as anti-national.

Continuing the story, ABVP(the right wingers or the BJP folks) wing of JNU stepped in and said that a protest of this sort should not be allowed. The college administration agreed on banning the protest as they thought that it might create the pointless hysteria which it eventually did. The group of self-proclaimed Marxists went anyway with the protest and agreed to do it without mikes and much fuss. The ABVP stepped in and starting intimidating the Marxist which could have been easily avoided. To make matters worse the Invited Kashmiris came in and then they started shouting anti-national slogans like: “won’t stop till India is destroyed” and “If you kill Afzal Guru from every house in Kashmir will produce a new one”

As an Indian I am offended by these remarks and think that it is unhealthy to support any remarks that are outright anti national. I am OK with people criticizing the right wing, the government and even the specific people in power but questioning, criticizing and threatening India and its fundamental Institutions is wrong and invites fierce condemnation.

Now the fun part was the politics after this incident. The most weird and counter-intuitive thing to me was Rahul Gandhi supporting the JNU students. I want to remind Rahul Gandhi that it was your government that hanged Afzal guru and rightly so. The students were protesting against your government decision  and somehow the strange part is that no one finds it strange neither you nor the students. I guess politics and political agenda are as characterless as any Tushar Kapoor movie.

I guess rather than problem solving capabilities, accountability and manifesto promises ,people judge governments and establishments on how they treat their ancestors and their beliefs. I guess this is why we move with so much tussle since we are so tied up with our past and beliefs that we don’t see what is good for us in the present and the future.

I think it is a classic example of game theory where everyone wants the best outcome for themselves and eventually due to mutual conflict everyone has to settle for an outcome that is way poorer than the optimal. Mr. Nash(won Noble price for game theory) was right, the more selfish and self-centered we are  the more we will suffer. As Mr. Nash says don’t go for the most beautiful girl, you won’t get her and waste your chances of getting the other ones which will eventually result in your happiness. I don’t when will we understand his simple and beautiful mathematical logic

The Pathankot incident

The Pathankot incident

The recent attack at the Pathankot Airport facility has sparked a national debate and rightly so and just 8 days after our Prime Minister Narendra Modi paid a visit in good gesture to his Pakistani counterpart. I think this a trend that Pakistan loves to follow, if I remember the Kargil Attack was just a few days after Atal Bihari Vajpayee met with Pervez Musharraf  Before saying anything or expressing my opinions, let me put some numbers in perspective, since 1970 there have  been more than 4,108 terror attacks on India with a total of 12,539 fatalities. India ranks sixth in the number of terror attacks in the world during this time.

The key difference between any country and India is that we have always known where of our terror attacks originate from and still we have another Pathankot to tackle. Now, if you think there are two possibilities, first that the incumbent Pakistani Prime Minister has no control over the Army or the terrorists group in his nation, if this is the case then it makes no sense to talk to him or engage in any diplomatic talks with his government since it will bear no fruits  as we are talking to the wrong person and the second possibility that incumbent Prime Minister knows about these attacks and if this is case then in my opinion it is backstabbing which is more condemnable. So, I don’t think it makes any sense to talk to him. I might be emotional at this point but I don’t see a third possibility.

I was listening to Gen Bakshi and his views were very clear, precise and logical. You have to increase cost of these attacks to Pakistan. Be it by economic sanctions, proxy war or an overt war. Recently one Russian flight was shot by Turkey and the next day there were several sanctions on Turkey, Putin gave a statement making it clear that there will be consequences and there were. Trade was seriously affected, Turkey contractors lost their right to do business in Russia, cancelled visa on arrival and many more the very next day and issued the statement that this act will be revenged. I think things like this sends out a clear signal to everyone not to mess with the Russians.

The number of terror fatalities in India by themselves are statistical alarming without accounting for the number of families affected by these attacks. I always believe that force should be the last resort, but I think we are a couple decades past when the tipping point of that last resort came. The terrorists and their ideology needs to be wiped out, .i.e. surgically removed ,since I don’t see a medication for this disease.

Something has to be done proactively, we have been on the receiving end of this for quite some time and it is time that we give them a befitting response. I put these stats after 1970 because we gave a good response to Pakistan in 1970 and they didn’t dare to attack us post that. Indira Gandhi might be the only Prime Minister with the will to answer Pakistan. The people and the government/army of Pakistan might be laughing at us that we just entered your Airforce and successfully killed many of our best officers.

I think when you make foreign policies or even make a business transaction you always take into account the practical reality of the other party. You won’t make a business deal with minister of magic when you know Voldemort Is making shots. The diplomatic policies should be made taking into account the history and the internal dynamics of the other party you are making a deal with. Our leadership should take into account this while dealing with Pakistan

I might be angry and emotional today because our brave soldiers were killed because of the failure of our terror policy, specifically with Pakistan. The people of India have been paying a very heavy price for the inability of our leadership. It creates a feeling of frustration. The only acceptable reason that we keep on going back to talks is that we think that we might lose to Pakistan in open warfare that is unacceptable in itself. This incident is a saddening day in Indian history and I hope should incite some decisive policy change against Pakistan.

The Political force

The Political force

The world of politics is strange

It seems dissent is the only consent that politicians can arrange

I was told that politicians are here to serve

Now I think they exploit until they reach peoples nerve

A democratic government is a representation of the electorate

Realizing this I think we are in a very poor state

Either we are inherently corrupt and flawed

Or our democracy is not true and the influential have it clawed

Accepting the former is losing hope

So believing in the latter is something we will have to cope

so why do oppositions stall the parliament

It is an act that for me is total bewilderment

The logic is that they are serving the nation

By stopping the institution of policy generation

It is like your cancer doctor being stopped by your nurse

Because someone in the hospital said a curse

Politicians play on peoples fear

Not on their aspirations that much is clear

Take the fear talk from Donald Drumpf and his opinions

As stupid and as absurd as those stupid minions

To discombobulate people from the things that matter

Congress came up with in tolerance and trump with all the nonsense chatter

Inherently I think we like news/information that is sensational

Media’s bias and hype is unconditional

It seems to me all the talk is superficial and vague

And real issue never reach the peoples stage

I hope there are politicians who are conservative liberals

And this becomes one of the new major kernels

I know like politicians from this poem nothing much can be taken

But let’s wait and see when does the force awakens

The Aamir Opinion

The Aamir Opinion

Continuing the debacle of opinion. One opinion that has messed with the country right now is that Aamir Khan’s wife thinks that our country is going intolerant. As Paresh Rawal rightly once said: “Patni hai ki Panauti hai”. Even snapdeal is feeling the heat of the Dil ki deal it did with Aamir.

Statement like these implicate that the minority is scared of the conservative(right wing) government. The elite Media has created an environment that is trying to create an opinion among the citizens of India that since the BJP has come to power it means that the minorities will suffer. I think that the conservative government in India is more liberal than the liberal wing(if there is one) in the nations controlled by these minorities.

Having said that, quoting Joey  “It’s a Moo Point”. We should not make this comparison because we are Indians and the day we start comparing ourselves to these nation all hope will be lost. India is and has been a tolerant country and everyone should stick to this fact. We have been an tolerant nation since long and that’s the reason we co-exist even after being such a diverse nation. Our country is a like the world of Marvel where we have many people of influence who do not agree on everything but eventually work for the better. We have even accommodated Hulk ideologies in our society and still we are intolerant. Misquoting LFMAO famous song: I am an Indian and I know it. And I am proud of it.

I believe that bulk of the Indian media is liberal (left) which is giving unnecessary air to these unrelated events of intolerance. If you discuss the same thing all day long it feels that our country is very bad and everything is going wrong. I totally agree that these things should be condemned and people have a right to protest in a non-violent way but making it the talking agenda portrays all of us Indian as Intolerant.Which we are not. It’s like Mundunglus Fletcher’s acts defining what Order of Phoenix stands for, which is outright wrong and ridiculous.

Whatever Aamir Khan said is his opinion and there might be a reason for him feeling that way. He has even given a clarifying position on his stand.I think he deeply cares about the country and has exercised his right to free speech effectively in the past to raise the issues he cares about deeply. Even after doing everything he could for the Nights Watch  Jon Snow was stabbed by his brothers after taking a stand that was better for the seven kingdom but did not sit well with his own brothers. Apparently he knew nothing of how his brothers might react. Extreme opinion and actions never serve any good.

The only problem I have is with the greed of the people. The greed of the politicians, big media houses and big corporations for money and power and their use of religion to meet this purpose. Religion has been used long and in many instances by people in position to manipulate the commons to meet their purpose. Why don’t we learn from history (its right in front of our eyes). I guess it is human tendency to believe what others say rather than checking facts for themselves before forming an opinion. The most dangerous opinion are the ones that are based on wrong facts. I believe India being an intolerant nation is one such opinion.